Life’s all about ups and downs. I get it. We all do.
But how do we cope with the downs?
There’s a thing about me that makes this issue easier and harder at the same time: i know my limits all too well. It takes an awful lot for me to give up on someone i care about – but when i do, i do it for good. I let others push me more than many, and usually i couldn’t care less – but there are some untouchable things that when in question make me stand up for myself sometimes too loud. I know when i’m too confuse and i need a walk in Lisbon – even if i do not get my answers, i’ll set my questions straight.
I usually say i have a privilege most people i know do not understand: i truly enjoy being at work. As much as i enjoy my free time – each thing in it’s right place.
The thing is that lately, every time i get off work, i feel like a fish returning to the sea. I can finally breathe. I can, at last, be on my own or with the ones i truly like having around. And acknowledging this has been worrisome – i’m tired, i get that. I’m Overworked. I still love being around my patients and taking care of them, but isn’t this freedom feeling a little too much?
Today i felt like losing my faith. And that’s a limit in itself. I can be worn out, sleepless. But i cannot afford to let some things out of my sight.
As i headed home, i was counting days in my head – and it’s been 3 months since my last vacations. After that, it has been a non stop of shifts, presentations, congresses, family issues, work problems. I stopped for 48h during Christmas and that was it. And i understood that all this tiredness was just shading my faith.
And yes, i need to, at least, be away from everyday life for a few days, but right now it’s just not possible – and it won’t be any time soon.
So i did something out of the ordinary: i asked for a day off. Then i took a train (it always gives me some wanderlust) and went for a walk by the river (closest thing to beach that came to my mind). While i was there, i looked and the cable cars and… Why not?
I came back from the ride refreshed. Somehow the cable car is, in itself, a good metaphor: apparently perilous, unbalanced, dancing with the wind flow…. But still secure of the path to follow.
(This text was actually written yesterday. Daily post is hitting the spot!)