I know she was only trying to help me, but when G said “by doing it you’ll show you’re a better person than them” I couldn’t help but smile for noticing how little she knows me. I just don’t work like that. It’s a common place, but true nonetheless: my only competition is myself.
There’s this Neil Gaiman’s quote I once used in a pediatric surgery essay: “Perfection is like chasing the horizon; keep moving.” I really like it. Even though we accept we’ll never be perfect, we can still aim for it, ’cause by chasing perfection we’ll still get closer to it, won’t we?
Later I was having dinner with T. She’d been telling me how she regretted not having done a gap year traveling because she feared missing some opportunities by leaving. At some point, she told me: “this is the time, you know? You’re a second year resident… If you want to take a year off, if you want to travel, now it’s the time, don’t you miss it.”
Again, I smiled. We’ve met only few times now, she’s kind of new in my life. “This residency is my gap year”, I told her. “Everything I’ve done before was determined by that same fear of missing out on something that could bring me here. But now here I am. So no, I wouldn’t take a year off, not if it meant being 365 days out of the OR.”
So this is me, standing on my dreamy feet again. Having fun with the twists and turns it takes not to surrender to a greyish way of life, focusing on what really matters to me, booking flights (hell yeah!). A workaholic and a dreamer, balancing between music, sutures, photoblogging, excel spreadsheets, shifts and dinners. Going with the flow, and enjoying every single minute of it…